Ebony Dragon

Eagle Hill

Sun, 20 Jul 2008 17:19:50 GMT

Today, I shall take a large step in sharing something publicly that I have not shared publicly in many, many years. Some of you may never come back here. Others - my friends, I know, wil just accept. And this sharing, perhaps, will give some of you some understanding of why I appear to be more tolerant of the man's prior antics that, perhaps, I should be.

Take with me now, a trip down memory lane to a time long ago and far away.........

Many years ago - I was actually a wild and crazy .......... well.....girl. This included many parties - so to speak..... Late nights out and early breakfasts. At that time, bars closed at 2am here - and nightclubs had the "extra hour" and closed at 3am. Breakfast run started at 3:30am....

Now, there are a whole lotta people who do this. And most have fun, learn a few lessons about hangovers the hard way, and move on. They grow up to be responsible adults who know how to have one or two or three ON OCCASION and then STOP.

And there are those of us who attempt to make careers out of this lifestyle.

That was me. The potential career drinker. AKA: Alcoholic. The epitome of "one is too many and one thousand is not enough". There was a time when I could drink most of my associates under the proverbial table - and get up and walk away. And I didn't quite stand 5'2" and weighed in at a whopping 115 soaking wet. Even worse, there was a time when I was actually proud of that ability! I knew more about mixed drinks than most bartenders.

I am fortunate for several reasons.

One - I never lost my faith in a higher power. Not once. Most do. I misplaced it a bit...put it aside and didn't think about it......... but I never actually LOST that belief.

Two - I hit bottom very fast.... it took a whole 3 years of carousing before I ran smack into my wall. When I ran into that wall, I was a mess physically...... very close to dying. Yep - in 3 years, I had managed to make THAT much of a mess of myself. I required my "drug of choice" SIMPLY TO BE "NORMAL" - to function....to get through a day.

Three: I happened to work for a company that considered this a disease and had a whole department dedicated to helping people like me.... and I happened to work directly for someone who had quite a bit of personal experience with this disease - and thus recognized it for what it was in me, and pulled out all the stops to help me when I finally made the move to get well.

and Four: I had family that knew the meaning of "tough love". They walked away when there was nothing they could do. And when I finally made it back, they were the first people there to support me and welcome me back.

When I made that last walk out of the darkness of alcoholism into the sunlight of freedom at last, I was engaged to a man that my parents - and almost anyone else who knew him - did not like. he was a hard-drinker (of course - what ELSE would I have gotten engaged to at that time) and had a horrible temper...... and I think that he had the same problem I did - but - to accept my disease, would have had to accept his own. I think this is what made him completely unsupportive and belligerent.

I was able to go away, courtesy of my health benefits, to what amounts to a country club - in order to learn how to be a person again. This place - Eagle Hill - so named for the Eagles that made their nests in the rocky outcroppings over a lake near there - was a fairly new place - and run by a priest - a recovering alcoholic himself. I made many friends there - but mostly, I got a start at being the person I am today there. I learned to love life again. I learned to appreciate every single day. I learned that I was worthy of more than I was giving myself. I learned that there is no such thing as a stupid alcoholic.......that the vast majority were good, kind, intelligent people who had a disease. I learned that if we stayed away from the chemical that made us "ill" and supported each other, we could continue to grow as people and live full and productive lives. The people that were there with me - some I remained in touch with for many years after - came from all walks of life - I met a programmer from a large magazine company, I met a manager from the local telephone company, I met a man who had opened his own church, I met a retired accountant. I also met some of the kids who were remanded there by local magistrates...... my room mate was one such.

I remembered how to play basketball. I learned to play pool. I learned to drink LOTS of coffee! And I learned to eat real food again.

When I left after the requisite 30 days - it was filled with the spirit of new adventure...... looking at the world through new eyes! Eyes that were using real glasses instead of the bottom of a Vodka bottle to see! I went back often at first - there was a meeting there for the "graduates" every Tuesday night. And every Tuesday night for almost a year, I went back......but, it was a long drive. And eventually, I stopped.

I had heard that this place had been bought by a "chain" of rehabilitation centers. And time passed.

On this vacation, I had my treasured camera. And the first day, I started off with the idea in mind that I would visit places that I had not seen in this state and snap pictures of natures beauty. So, I headed up towards a state park I knew of but did not remember and snapped a few pictures there. I got back on the highway and thought - "I wonder if I can still find Eagle Hill" - so I got back on the highway and got off the exit I thought I should take. Wrong exit. I realized that after finding a church that we used to go to "off prem". I drove for awhile - and passed over the highway and recognized a diner that I had eaten at on one of my trips up there - and got my bearings. I found the long road that I knew led to where I wanted to go. As I drove the road, there was little that I remembered...... it has been nearly 30 years since I had been there last. But, I kept driving.....and driving and almost passed

The Entrance

The Driveway

The ADMISSIONS house:

The House I Lived In

My Room:

Dining Hall and Common House

It is very hard for me to reconcile these desolate grounds with the pastoral setting of recovery I knew. It is harder still to see the place where I got my start on being a real person abandoned.

An era ended.

A Day at the Zoo

Wed, 02 Jul 2008 22:24:12 GMT

The Bird Show

Taking Off In Flight The Landing

Pretty Bird Peacock

A Beautiful Face Marmoset Tree Frog

Turtles Otters

Our Happy Group The Kids Monkey See,

Monkey Dew!

The Man

A Busy Month

Tue, 01 Jul 2008 18:41:23 GMT

Yes it is...was...is......... was..... new month.... wow. Time went by so fast!

So, when I last left you, the kids were somewhat traumatized by various different events. As children will, they got by these events.

About 4 weeks ago, the Man started with sore feet....swollen and painful. Now, I should mention that he is a Bionicle in disguise - there is more metal in one foot and the opposing leg than in a scrapyard from some car accidents many years back. Well..... with all the walking he did during the day at his job, it just got worse and worse. Now, around the same time, he decided that being clean also mean ditching the myriad prescription drugs....first the anxiety medication and then the antidepressant......... Now, I should mention that his mom was on all the same meds - and one day, she just stopped taking everything. And she has been just fine ever since. So... the first week, it was HELL...........everything annoyed him.......and I do mean EVERYTHING....he tends to be nit picky anyway and the withdrawl from both legal and illegal medications just exacerbated that.......... By week two, he progressed from picking nits to being an understudy for the Roman Emperor Nero!

The foot and its adjoining shin got progressively worse.... we talked about him potentially leaving the job and I tried very hard to get him to stay because it is not everyday that one can find a job that one truly loves - and he did LOVE this one! But, as with all his major decisions, he just made it ... no patience..... just up and left. However, he left on very good terms and he left with a pink slip coded for "lack of work" (and we figure with the houseing market so slow right now, chances are, he would have been out of a job for lack of work for real in a matter of a few months!) so he can claim unemployment as he looks for another job. This will supplement his retirement and so, financially, he is set.

He is home all day now. With me. Not a bad thing...it DOES get on my nerves some times.... but, most days, its pleasant.

BUT!!!!!!! He is the most free from substances he has been since I met him! And I am just SOOOO awesomely proud of him! It is just SUCH the bomb that he is doing just EVERYTHING right this time! I feel very confident that this time he really got it! This has made me a very happy dragon, indeed!

Ok...now, on to the kids.....

The GOOD news - Number 1 Daughter's report card came yesterday....not quite honors but the VERY BEST SHE HAS EVER DONE!!! She got a B+ in both the final marking period of Algebra TWO (yes - TWO!!!!) and the final exam! And she ACED Civics!!!!!!!!! I was just completely TICKLED PINK!!!!!!!!

The bad news...... Number 1 son will be repeating his 7th grade year.... Too much too little too late.................... Number 1 Son is also spending some time with the Father Figure this summer.... One thing the Father Figure can do is discipline......and Number 1 Son desperately needs some discipline. With the hours that I keep at work, I simply do not have the time to stay on top of him and to meet every one he hangs out with..... The final straw was shortly after he came home from his dads one Sunday with some decorative knives - I came downstairs one morning to find that my refrigerator door had knife holes in it that could only have been made with one of these knives - and Number 1 Son denied all knowledge............... I believe Number 1 Son needs more than discipline - and I am pursuing that - but his father will be able to give him not only the discipline but the time that I cannot.........

Work, you see, is going to get worse before it gets better............. much much worse.

I believe those are the highlights of the past month..............

Now - for today - for this week, actually, I am VACATIONING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday, I spent the day wandering around the state taking pictures:

And Sunday, we were at a friends watching these.......

On yesterdays trip, I went back to a place that I had not seen in about 30 years and was devastated by what I found......I shall share that with you all in another posting.

For now - I am off to meet a friend I have not seen in a long time for a buffet I have never tried before! Tomorrow, we are getting together with our friend and her twins to go to Beardsley Zoo - there is a Bird show - Trained Macaws and Parrots et al! I shall have to post more pictures after that! Then Thursday, my girlfriend and I are headed to the beach and perhaps to the fireworks here in town. Friday, we are off to my aunts house. We shall have to see what Saturday and Sunday bring.........

Hasta La Vista alL!

Vacationing Dragon

A Day.

Wed, 14 May 2008 18:26:07 GMT

I am about half way through the day now - and a smile remains on my face.

Today, I have reached the vernerable age of half a century.

I remember 10 years ago when I hit that "its all downhill from here" age.

What a difference.

On a day to day basis, it seems that nothing really happens - yet when I look back and realize what has happened across the years, much has occurred.

The biggest thing to note here is that at the prior "mile marker", I was extremely depressed and grew fearful. I was close to becomming a recluse. What do they call that? I forget now - but there is a name for people who truly can NOT deal with life outside one area - a house, or even a room in a house. I was afraid that something horrible would happen when I left my house. I am not sure where that came from - only that it was.

Today - 10 years later, I am content. And amazed that I am content. I did not become an extrovert - that I will just never be. But I walk out of my house with confidence and a smile.

The man is trying very hard to do what is right - and, despite the difficulty, he is succeeding. We are a couple - far more of a couple than any couple I have had the honor (or misfortune) to be a part of.

I am not fearful or depressed - and greet each new day with a smile!

Yes, I still have issues. Everyone does....kids, job, house, car.... But these issues are manageable.

Today, another dragon started off her day by wishing me a Happy Birthday......apparently she spread the word as others have done the same.

The man has called twice so far and sung "The Birthday Song" both times.

My parents have wished me a Happy Birthday.

At the office, my boss sent out an email letting others know - and many have wished me well there.

I have so much to be happy about and grateful for. Wonderful friends. Beautiful two-legged children. Loving, four-footed children. A home and yard. A car that run. A job that allows me to support myself and my children. And the support and love of a wonderful man. And a stupendous day as well - it is almost 70 and sunny! Nary a cloud to disrupt the pure azure of the worlds roof!

Thank you for sharing my day with me.

Love to all

Dragon

A Humourous Tail

On Saturday, -the Man and I went to one of those nifty stores that carries odd foods....epicurean delights from overseas and just lots of stuff you don't find everywhere. We bought a few things including some parsley for Amelia D. Rabbit. When we got home, I made a plate for her with parsley, green leaf lettuce, and hid a carrot underneath the greens. I put that in her cage. She hopped over but apparently, we not interested. In hopped BabyBoy Cat. Yes -CAT! Are you hearing me? CAT. (Cats, by definition, are primarily CARNIVOROUS - in other words MEAT eaters! as opposed to HERBIVOROUS which are plant eaters or OMNIVOROUS which consume both plant and meat....such as humans.)

BabyBoy sniffed the lettuce.....snagged a piece and BACKED out of Amelias cage.....and proceeded to KRONCH on the lettuce. All the while, Rabbit - our resident HERBIVORE - simply watched. After kronching for a short bit, she dragged the piece of lettuce into the dining room and left it to return to Amelias cage to steal yet aNOTHER piece of lettuce!!!!! She dragged THAT piece out and left it outside the cage. We are guessing she intended to return for it at some point. She hopped BACK in the cage a THIRD time and proceeded to drink Rabbits water!!!! Then she turned around and snagged a piece of alfalfa and left!!!!!!

We thought the thievery was over. So we gathered up the lettuce stash and put it back in the cage on Amelia's plate.

And went upstairs.

BabyBoy followed.

Then, the Man decides he needs water. So he begins to walk down the stairs and sees.......little

pieces..........of.........

quickly wilting...............

green

lettuce..............on

...............................each

step.......

We are not sure what is wearing this BabyBoy Cat Suit.....

We ARE however, positive that it is NOT a CAT! >.<

To All My WONDERFUL FRIENDS Who also Happen To Be Mothers and Grandmothers and Great-Grandmothers either by birth or by choice!

Sun, 11 May 2008 20:40:53 GMT

Dragons on Dealing With Reality

Thu, 08 May 2008 15:32:39 GMT

Recently, my kids have had more than their fair share of having to deal with unpleasant realities.

Number 1 Daughter:

Number 1 Daughter is much like her mother - she falls madly and passionately in love with the wrong man. How in love she is directly opposite of how right the man is for her. If he is really wrong, she is very in love. If he is only a little wrong, she is only a little in love..... And her views of the world and her relationship to it are just a bit slanted.... For instance - she thinks that since she has held a job longer than all of her friends, stayed in school longer than all her friends, done better than her friends when they WERE in school and is looking at colleges - that she should be praised for being better than all of her friends. I think, of course, that she needs new friends. Boyfriends included. The current beau is a high school drop out and very bipolar. Now, bipolar is not a bad thing - it can be helped. BUT, Number 1 daughter does not have the fortitude to deal with the incredible mood swings as she takes EVERYTHING to heart. So, when they are together, Number 1 daughter is in WONDERFUL spirits but when he tells her he no longer loves her or wishes to break up with her (despite the fact that they have been thru this SAME pattern at least 15 or so times in the year they have been together sort of), her ENTIRE WORLD FALLS APART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well....last week, he told her he did not love her - for the umpty-bazillionth time. Somehow, this one hurt more than any preceeding it. She could not stop crying for days...... one of these days, she stayed home from school. Another of her friends decided to skip school with her. Off they went to the boat landing to sit and play cards (Yes, mother allowed her to stay home.....because to fight her when she is this distraught causes more harm than good for BOTH OF US - and I DO have a job to go to!). As they got to the boat landing, they saw a small motor boat with a man slumped over the wheel going around and around in circles close to shore. Number 1 daughter, God bless her, had the presence of mind (thank you Sound School boat license training) to wade into the water, grab the boat and cut the engine to prevent it from eventually slamming into the dock and bursting into flames. Her friend called 911. Unfortunately, the man was already deceased and nothing could be done. However, this was a situation that I know I could not have handled as well. (I would have called 911 and called it a day - as I know nothing about boats.) I got a glimpse of the young woman she is growing into - a young woman who saw what needed to be done and did it. I must say that I am very proud of her!

Right now, she is a teenager. And all the lunacy that goes with that is hers yet to deal with. Its all that "grey" stuff that she doesn't quite understand yet - learning that the world is not simply black and white...... that even truth can have different flavors and still be truth. The emotional swings she is going through are normal..... the indecision and strong desire to "have fun" and stay a kid - these are all normal. And sometimes, I truly wonder what type of person she will be when she finally "grows up". This day gave me a glimpse of that person. And I am pleased.

Number 1 Son:

Number 1 son is still a little boy. A little boy who had his world rocked this week..........as did many local boys and girls. On Monday night, I went to the grocery store. Around 8, I got a call from Number 1 Son. I expected this since he was told to be home at 8 and check in with me. I did not expect the words that came out of his mouth. First thing he says is "Mom, whatever you do, DON'T go to Subway near the beach! DON'T!!!!!!!!!!!" So...of course, I ask why.

Apparently, a young man was riding his bicycle and was hit by a car. Some of his friends had the misfortune to witness this tragic accident. I am grateful that Number 1 son only saw the aftermath as that was traumatic enough. You can read the full story here . The police did not charge the driver - and based on everything I have read and heard from Number 1 son, the driver should indeed NOT be charged.

On Monday, Number 1 son was saying, "I'm ok. People live. People die. It happens." On Tuesday, Number 1 son was off with his friends who talked of nothing else. On Wednesday, Number 1 son went with a friend to a small memorial for the boy. And we went to a play (Carousel! It was awesome!) so he was alone in the house and had time to think...... and when he called to tell me he was home, I could hear the change in his voice. My little boy needed to be told that everything was ok (even though it was not) and he needed a hug - which he got as soon as I got home. He intends to go to the wake this afternoon. If that is what he truly wants to do, I will go with him. I am sure it will be an emotionally exhausting experience.

Life is so short......sometimes, much shorter than it should be.

This is why every day is special and important.

May God bless Ralph Russo and carry him on Angels wings to his new home.

An Amusing Anecdote from the Dragon History Files

Fri, 25 Apr 2008 17:44:31 GMT

A comment by Laoch reminded me of an amusing tale from my long-ago past.........

While we lived at home, my mother ruled all three of us with an iron fist! And while we were in her house, her rules were to be abided by! No matter how old we were! Turning 18 meant NOTHING to my mother.

So, one by one, we turned 18 - and learned about the fun of going to the local pubs. We had a 1:00am curfew. (with about a 15 minute grace period before my mother started calling the local hospitals and police stations - or so we thought!). Mom would wait up for us to enforce this curfew. Again.......so we thought. Of course, she waited in a prone position with the lights off and the tv on and her eyes closed........ but, we learned early on that fooling Mom was impossible..... well - most of the time.

Some nights - we came in at the proscribed 1am and ran to (or occasionally bounced from wall to wall till we fell in the door of) our rooms. Other nights, we'd sit in the chair next to her and babble at her about our evenings...and the people, places and things that had entertained us that evening. In the correct places with exactly the proper inflection in her voice, my mother would utter, "uh huh" or "oh really?", or "thats nice". Eventually, we would leave her alone and wander off to our bedrooms for a mildly inebriated sleep.

The mornings after these discussions took place were baffling to us as we would recount some of what we had thought we said the evening past and my mother would look at us like it was a brand new story!

Soon enough, we all grew to adulthood and moved on to our own abodes. Many years later, my mother was recounting some of this to her sister and I happened to overhear her say, "Yes, I could always tell when they had too much to drink because they would come in and sit down and talk nonstop to me!"

Mother dear, you have it entirely backwards..............we only talked when we COULD STILL SPEAK WITHOUT SLURRING OUR WORDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Where Dragons Go.............

Mon, 21 Apr 2008 15:39:47 GMT

Well - must tell ya'all - the weather here in Southern Connecticut has been just bee-you-tee-ful!!!!!!!!!!!! We've had some 75+ degree days and this dragon has been ANYWHERE and EVERYWHERE except at her computer!!!!!!!!!!!!

Took a vacation day Friday. The kids were off - but, of course, they are too old to want to do anything with just Mom.... So, they were off doing their thing (mostly skateboarding which is all the rage here) and I went to the grocery store and then to Lowes.... Then I came home and embarked on my many projects - painted the front door (it was in desperate need). Planted a Mediteranean Pink Heather bush and an azalea in the front yard. And a zinia and some pansies in the flower pot in the back yard. Started a tray of morning glories which will hopefully 'climb' my fence. Cleaned out all the crap in between the two fences - I really hate these wire roll-out fences....UGH! Enjoyed the daffodil and the tulip that are up - the tulip still has not gone into full bloom yet - it promises to be gorgeous when it does! Got all the cigarette butts and thatch out of the yard and I have admonished EVERYONE who has come here over the last few weeks that this house does NOT ALLOW smoking of ANYTHING within 100 yards of it!!!!!!!!!!!!! Still have to put down some grass seed. And I have an entire tray of dusty miller to put in.

We finally had the fan put into the bedroom last week - and it has been used every night since! the second floor of our house is not well insulated so in the winter we are very cold and in the summer we are very hot.... when it hits around 60 outside, by 3:30 in the afternoon - its almost unbearable up here. Well....it was - until the Man moved in last year and figured out that if we put a box fan in the bedroom window and pull the air OUT!!!!!!!!!! this will draw the cooler air from downstairs and keep it fairly comfortable up here! Smart man! While the electrician was here, he also balanced the fan in our office. And did NOT charge extra for that service! this electrician WILL be called back for future projects!!!!!!! We were very, very happy with him and his work and his reasonable prices!

I have also joined Weight Watcher. Up to today, I have been doing the online one - which, by the way, is absolutely wonderful! You can put in a recipe and it will calculate how many points each serving is! I LOVE IT! So, this week, I have decided that I will start meetings. Not sure which one yet - but, it appears that Thursday nights may work the best. Or Saturday mornings.

AH!!!!!!!!! and the BIG news!!!!!!!!!! Two weeks ago, Number 1 daughter pitched a huge huge fit at number one son. Since number one son has not been going to his fathers, the father has done a complete about-face. he is actually paying attention and spending time with number one daughter. he actually took her to an empty parking lot and watched her skateboard for over an hour!!!!!!!!! so, she finally pushed number one son to go with her and he did. He came home saying that he had a GOOD WEEKEND!!!!!!!!!!!!! That his dad had actually spent time with him and listened to him and done stuff with him!!!!!!!!!!!!! So, this weekend, dad needed some help and wanted number one son. this is not his weekend to get number one son and number one son, of course, balked. but went anyway. and came home later saturday night and, again, said he had a wonderful time!!!!!!!!!!! Mother Hen Dragon is VERY VERY PLEASED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The man has taken some steps up and some steps back. He has actually made the appointment with the counselor - he will see her tomorrow evening for the first time.... and he has been good for something over a week now. Of course - we can't have this much progress without a few steps back - he went out friday night and said he would be back at a reasonable hour. To me, 1:30AM the next day is NOT a reasonable hour..... And to add insult to injury, despite my very obvious ire - he went and repeated the performance on Saturday night. this is not a good thing - angering a dragon twice in two days is really taking ones life in ones hands!........... however, sunday, he took the iniitiative and brought this out for discussion and we have reached a compromise. And making up was, indeed, the very best part.

I shall be traveling around to visit you all this week and I am hoping that you are all happy and healthy here in blogland!

NEW PC

Thu, 10 Apr 2008 02:47:36 GMT

So....after much thought, i finally just went and DID it.......... Yep, new PC. I "built" several different configurations online, went back and forth between laptop and desktop and finally decided that I like my home configuration with the work laptop connected to the home desktop keyboard, mouse and monitor via KVM and being easily able to flip back and forth between the two. Something about blogging in bed just didn't have quite the same appear.

A good friend told me that they considered laptops rather 'disposable'. That was the key that set me straight. If I really have to have the ability to go to Starbucks and sip a latte as I email, I will pick up a cheap used laptop at a show. Desktops are much more stable. So, a desktop it was.

I thought that I wanted 4G of Ram. But the technician who was here earlier this week told me that Vista would happily use a thumb drive if you told it to.

So... yesterday, I bought a 600$ Dell from Walmart w/2G Ram and 160G HD. It also has a 17in Flat panel - which, after having a CRT for many years and not a lot of desk space - I was very happy about! Today, I purchased the easy transfer cable which will allow me to import my pictures and music collection. I also found that EVERYTHING is now USB as opposed to PS2 so I needed a new KVM switch. Got that. I also was able to pick up a SONY 2G thumb drive for 9$!

Thank you VERY much Uncle Sam!

Well....thank me........... I gave it to him........and he gave it back. and now i've given it away again......but, I have a new Vista pc.................. and I am a VERY happy dragon

maybe

To All My Wonderful Friends in Space

Sun, 06 Apr 2008 15:16:48 GMT

I have been reading and am completely humbled by all the wonderful comments and support. Yet again, I thank each and every one of you from the bottom of my heart! You have given me the strength to continue when I would have liked to have given up.

"John" and I are working out our issues.... for the moment, he is making a sincere effort to "clean" up his act. He has been going to meetings - sometimes twice a day. This is a good thing. He has also agreed to seek professional counseling - and include me in this as the counselor deems appropriate.

While all this gives me hope - I am in no way counting my chickens. The egg has only just been laid - only time will tell whether the egg will hatch. I am also going to start attending some meetings for the "significant others" - as I have a LOT of anger and resentment to deal with - and eventually put to bed if I hope for this relationship to be successful. "John" knows what is at stake here. This is his last chance - he either makes it or breaks it. There is no in -between. I will not tolerate any more.

We still have one very big issue to be worked out - I hope to begin to address that today.

In other news: Number One Daughter was suspended for smoking on school grounds the other day. I thought she had quit. But, of course, everyone she hangs out with smokes so this is difficult. She asked for the patch - I have bought it for her. So, now, its up to her. I am still desperately trying to get Number One Son to do the same. He coughs every day like he has been smoking for 20 years! It is horrible to listen to - I want to cry every time I hear it.

We will find out this week what Number One Son will be doing academically next year when report cards come out this week. He needs to have at least a "C" in every class or he will - at very least - be staying back. It may be that the school will ask him to leave.

Number One Daughter was failing English. Now - this is one that is just unimaginable! English, for Number One Daughter, should be the easiest "A" she could ask for....but....she does NOTHING...... therefore, it isn't. But, she has a "B" in her WORST subject - Algebra II........go figure.

Young Man (remember him from this summer?) was jailed for a short bit - mostly for all his misdemeanor FTO's (failure to appear). The law, generally, is willing to be fairly lenient with misdemeanors - EXCEPT if one fails to appear in court on the appointed day. Appareently, a small stint in jail and a short - but VERY strict probation, has learned Young Man a lesson or two. He has cleaned up his act significantly. He also bought the two cake mixes he stole from me and returned them and apologized for what he had done. He is, therefore, in my good graces once again. It was, by the way, the stealing of the two cake mixes - which made me tell my two kids that Young Man was no longer welcome. You see, if Young Man had ASKED for them - I would have GIVEN them to him. He did not......he stole them. That hurt terribly. But, all is forgiven and forgotten.

The weather has improved somewhat here. I have a good portion of the back yard cleaned up. Today, I will start on the front. I was also able to go for a bike ride yesterday - this made me VERY Happy! (I never quite got those pictures to work right.)

I have decided that I am buying a new PC. I am debating whether laptop or desktop. For work, I have a laptop. And right now, I'm not too sold on them as I am on the THIRD motherboard in 1.5 years ..... all 3 within the last week. First one, the lcd cable went south. So they replaced the LCD cable AND the motherboard (standard operating procedure for Dell). Then, I could no longer use the docking station. So, a friend got me another. That was no good either. So, they replaced the motherboard the second time Friday. (the connections for the dock are on the motherboard). I went upstairs and attempted to hook up the docking station and the KVM - this time, I had power, and the video connection - but the mouse and kybd did not work on EITHER docking station. Both techs and I played with it and got Dell on the phone. We worked on it for over an hour. Nada. So they are bringing the THIRD one on Monday. UGH! This does NOT make me want a laptop....... unless I purchase the very expensive "fix break" for more than one year! So....yesterday, I was in Walmart and there was a Dell Desktop for 598$ w/2G RAM (I would prefer 4 - but I could always upgrade) and 160G HD. (more than I really need) and a 17in Flat panel. . There was also an ACER laptop - 698$. 3G Ram. 120G HD........ couldn't tell what the service on it was. With the desktop, its one year in-home - which I like...

Now - if I go with either of those options (as opposed to ordering straight from Dell what I want which would be 1200$, I can ALSO purchase the cameral I want!

Any and all opinions on this subject VERY welcome.

The "Darn why didn't i have my camera handy" moment:

Baby Boy cat trotted downstairs...Rabbit was sitting behind the overstuffed chair in the living room peeking out. Baby Boy trotted right over to her, FELL on top of her (deliberately) R-O-L-L-E-D over on top of her.....flipped backwards and upside down and ended up with her paws wrapped around the Rabbits neck looking Rabbit squarely in the eye UPSIDE DOWN!!!!!! Apparently, this we fine with Rabbit who just sat there looking back at Baby Boy!

If I'da had a camera, it woulda looked SORTA LIKE THIS:

UPDATE 4/7/2007

"John" and I have worked out our remaining issue -interestingly enough, the "problem" solved itself. He has been out late far too many nights (read: EVERY night) with the "boys" - he goes to a meeting and then "hangs out", claiming that it is his sobriety that he is working on. We discussed this yesterday at length and I told him that I thought he really needed to spend a few nights at home with me - not EVERY night, mind you - but significantly more than NONE - but reached no good conclusion. Off to his meeting last night he went and I guess he discussed it with "the boys" and the boys pretty much told him that he needed to do a better job of balancing his life. He came home at 9 (fairly early - and a reasonable hour) and apologized for even having stayed out THAT late! So...... last issue put to bed.

What remains now is to see if this is permanent or temporary thing.

Thank you all again for your love and support!

Dear John

Thu, 20 Mar 2008 15:29:41 GMT

Dear John,

I have selected a date of April 4 - two weeks from tomorrow. On this date, you will have a final decision to make on which path your feet will follow. Either you choose recovery or you choose to leave this life behind. Death or life. That choice is yours. If you choose recovery, that must be the "final answer" - whatever that takes. Sadly, I do not believe that will be your choice. The drug has been your only "lover" for so long that it is the MOST important thing in your life. All else runs in second place and there is a wide chasm between first and second places.....

Know that when you leave this time - there will be no return for you - and no next time for us. I know that there will never be anyone else for me but you, HOWEVER, I also know that for 20+ years, the majority of what you have given me is pain - with occasional tantalizing glimpses of what could be. It is those glimpses I have hedged my bets on and tried to make a life from. But, enough is enough. I now choose not to wait around for what could be. Even a hopeless romantic wakes from the dream eventually. Even a foolish old dog can learn new things.

Additionally, when you moved in here, I showed you a detailed spreadsheet containing itemized and annualized expenses both shareable and non-shareable. With your razor-sharp, financial analytical mind, you should have realized that nowhere on this spreadsheet was an item for groceries or sundries. And yet you chose to take that figure and round DOWN to the nearest hundred - not up. You thought only of yourself and your "lover" - and how to hold back the greatest amount of ready cash for you and "her". If you choose to continue down the path to total self-destruction, from April until the day you move, your rent will increase by a significant amount. The extra cash will go to replacing the furniture which I will need (such as a bed to sleep in) when you leave.

I have also decided that I will neither help you pack or help you move. You will have to rely on others for that. I absolutely abhor packing. When you moved here, I did this as a labour of love and with great hope in my heart for our future together. I now believe we have no future nor did we really ever have one. This family, this house, was all just a stop on your train of total self-destruction. If you choose death over life, I will not stop you - but you will get no help from me in getting where you choose to go.

I have started my life over many times. I am used to starting over and I have the mechanics of it down pat. Recovering my standing with my friends and family will be difficult. They have all watched me make stupid foolish mistake after stupid foolish mistake. And always, they have shaken their heads but supported me. But this is the epitome of stupid foolish mistakes because not only have I gotten on the one-way downhill rollercoaster, but I pulled my children along for the ride. This, they will probably not be able to forget or forgive me for for a long time...... I am not sure that I can forgive myself. I'm the adult. I am supposed to know better. And I do. Really I do. I should have made you stay in your own apartment till you were clean for at least a significant amount of time. But I allowed my heart to take control and believe in you and in your desire for recovery. I also believed, egotistically, that I could make a difference. This was nothing less than foolish on my part.

I have made my choice. And now I will live with the results of those choices - as will my children. They and I have lost much. But you - you will be the biggest loser of all. For in the end, I and my children will have our lives. Your "lover" will steal yours.

With great love always,

Jane

The Monster

Tue, 18 Mar 2008 14:15:36 GMT

For those who are wondering why my posts have been sparse and my visits to your blogs have been few and far between - a brief update.

The Monster never left my house. It lives, it breathes.

I am considering telling The Man to find another dwelling place.

As in - pack up and move out.

Dragon

*****************************************************************************

UPDATE 3/19/2008

I found indications that inpatient treatment is under very serious consideration.

I am, therefore, going to give this a little more time and see what develops.

Thanks to everyone for their kindness, wise words, support - and pure love.

I don't know what I would do without ya'all and I am ever so grateful to have found my way here!

Love,

Dragon

Moms New Ride :D

Sat, 08 Mar 2008 15:53:08 GMT

My New Ride - view 1

My New Ride - view 2

New helmet and headphones!

Last year, apparently, EVERYONE seemed to think MY bicycle belonged to them. So, eventually, it just disappeared. So, this year, it was time for MOM to have her first NEW bike in more than 20 years! Purple, of course!

And.........a new helmet to go with new bike - in shades of blue with pink undertones (sort of blue-purple) and flowers in shades of pink with blue undertones (also sort of purple). Are we catching the theme here?????????

Note the helmet................ a childs helmet.......... size 8. Not 14+.

Small head.

Perhaps a small brain to go with it? That would certainly explain why I can't remember things from one moment to the next!

So, yesterday - I went out for lunch, peeps! Yes I did! For the first time in MONTHS! O-U-T! Took my ride all the way to the local Subway for a deeee-licious seafood and crab sub! Nyam Nyam!

Today, however, it appears I am rained in...............

Oh well.

There is always tomorrow.

Hugs

The Two-wheeled Hot Dragon Mama

HAPPY FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!

Fri, 29 Feb 2008 20:28:41 GMT

Number 1 Daughter sent me a picture of a 92 test score and brought home a 99 test score - both in Algebra 2.

i had one of those forms for parent teacher conferences - and I asked that ALL Number 1 Son's teachers give me some time - I got back times from all except one - the one that did not send me back a time sent a note:

"100% improvement since you came in. A on last test! 74-C average. attentive, on task, focused. I expect that Number 1 Son will earn a B in religion 3rd term. I am very proud of him. "

and he brought home a "Certificate of Achievement" for FIRST PLACE in the 7th grade Science Fair"

AND

he told me he had gotten money from kids at school....which, of course, made me immediately suspicious.... NO one - not even a KID will give away money for nothing - so I pushed and pushed till I finally got the truth - he apparently did part of one kids math homework because he knew what he was doing and this kid did not. so Number 1 Son did 2/3 of the math sheet as an example and left the rest for the kid to do. (knowing who the other kid is - this is VERY believeable). so this kid paid him 3$. This 3$, by the way, Number 1 son gave to friend of Number 1 son and Number 1 daughter yesterday to help pay for his tire.

The BOSS

Fri, 29 Feb 2008 13:30:51 GMT

For anyone out there that is a Bruce Springsteen and the East Street Band fan - I HIGHLY recommend their new CD "Magic". I bought it last weekend and I can NOT stop listening! This CD is highly reminiscent of their earlier stuff - its kind of a cross between "The River", "Born To Run","Human Touch"(which was more or less without the East St. Band), and "The Rising" (all of which I love) - except somehow - even better! Almost the entire CD is upbeat musically - with one notable exception. The unadvertised song: "Terry's Song" written for his friend Terry Magovern who passed away recently..... this song was very moving.

There is not ONE SONG on this CD that I do not like!

Furthermore, I cannot even pick a favorite!

I genuinely like every single song!

Thats unusual - generally, there is one or two that you don't like as well as the rest or you could take or leave. Not the case here.

The Singing Dragon

HELP IS NEEDED!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE!

Fri, 22 Feb 2008 16:11:18 GMT

Nae (Frontier Fancies) needs our help to raise money for a very worthy cause!

You can read about it here in her February 19, 2008 blog.

Opinions Please?

Fri, 22 Feb 2008 13:16:48 GMT

So, this years bonus check is almost here.....

Of course, I have the usual stuff to do with it like paying off debt, Number 1 son's tuition for next year, school uniforms and new clothes for Number 1 daughter, funding a HSA for us.....etc, etc....

But the one thing I do every year is to get Mom one thing that she really wants.

This year, I have decided that my gift to my self will be a Digital SLR camera.

At the moment, I am really sold on the Canon Rebel.

I have read that the Canon lenses are interchangeable between both the old 35mm format and the digital.

I have read all good reviews.

And they are pretty much in my price range - the under 600$ (Very low end for DSLR).

So - Does anyone out there have any recommendations? Opinions?

What I want to do is to be able to photograph both outdoor and indoors, day and night. This really has more to do with the fStop and ISO settings.

I also want to be able to capture detail at a distance - which has a lot to do with the optical zoom.

The resolution on the computer is secondary as any photos I really like, I could have professionally printed almost anywhere. Although most cameras are 10 and 10.1 MP, I think 8 is probably enough for what I want do do.

Any and all opinions very much appreciated.

Also, any information anyone might have on what types of lenses might be suitable for what I want to do. Feel free to leave a TOME if you happen to know enough to write one!

Thanks!

The Other Side of the Coin - part 2

Tue, 19 Feb 2008 17:10:35 GMT

If you recall, Number 1 daughter was trying to get in touch with her old friends - the "straight-edge" ones.

And she did.

And one of them invited her to a "Lan party" - remember - these are geeky computer types. One of them built a lan and they were all going to connect their computers to it and play WOW (World OF Warcraft).

And she was happy.

But

Then

As luck would have it, some of them decided that inviting Number 1 Daughter was not such a good idea.

The reason is that they do not trust her not to bring "trees" into their midst........... she has learned that it is not easy to go back and that she has to prove herself worthy.........

Mike Curb Congregation did a song back in the 60's called "Burning Bridges" - very suitable for this occasion.

"Friends all tried to warn me
But I held my head up high
All the time they warned me
But I only passed them by
They all tried to tell me
But I guess I didn't care
I turned my back and
Left them standing there

All the burning bridges that have fallen after me
All the lonely feelings and the burning memories
Everyone I left behind each time I closed the door
Burning bridges lost forevermore

Joey tried to help me find a job
A while ago
When I finally got it I didn't want to go
The party Mary gave for me
When I just walked away
Now there's nothing left for me to say

All the burning bridges that have fallen after me
All the lonely feelings and the burning memories
Everyone I left behind each time I closed the door
Burning bridges lost forevermore

Years have passed and I keep thinking
What a fool I've been
I look back into the past and
Think of way back then
I know that I lost everything I thought that I could win
I guess I should have listened to my friends

All the burning bridges that have fallen after me
All the lonely feelings and the burning memories
Everyone I left behind each time I closed the door
Burning bridges lost forevermore

Burning bridges lost forevermore "

I wish that I could have spared Number 1 Daughter this pain.

But, perhaps the lesson learned here - when she calms down enough to learn it and IF she learns it - will be worth the pain it costs?

MotherHenDragon