Ebony Dragon

Today, I shall take a large step in sharing something publicly that I have not shared publicly in many, many years. Some of you may never come back here. Others - my friends, I know, wil just accept. And this sharing, perhaps, will give some of you some understanding of why I appear to be more tolerant of the man's prior antics that, perhaps, I should be.

Take with me now, a trip down memory lane to a time long ago and far away.........

Many years ago - I was actually a wild and crazy .......... well.....girl. This included many parties - so to speak..... Late nights out and early breakfasts. At that time, bars closed at 2am here - and nightclubs had the "extra hour" and closed at 3am. Breakfast run started at 3:30am....

Now, there are a whole lotta people who do this. And most have fun, learn a few lessons about hangovers the hard way, and move on. They grow up to be responsible adults who know how to have one or two or three ON OCCASION and then STOP.

And there are those of us who attempt to make careers out of this lifestyle.

That was me. The potential career drinker. AKA: Alcoholic. The epitome of "one is too many and one thousand is not enough". There was a time when I could drink most of my associates under the proverbial table - and get up and walk away. And I didn't quite stand 5'2" and weighed in at a whopping 115 soaking wet. Even worse, there was a time when I was actually proud of that ability! I knew more about mixed drinks than most bartenders.

I am fortunate for several reasons.

One - I never lost my faith in a higher power. Not once. Most do. I misplaced it a bit...put it aside and didn't think about it......... but I never actually LOST that belief.

Two - I hit bottom very fast.... it took a whole 3 years of carousing before I ran smack into my wall. When I ran into that wall, I was a mess physically...... very close to dying. Yep - in 3 years, I had managed to make THAT much of a mess of myself. I required my "drug of choice" SIMPLY TO BE "NORMAL" - to function....to get through a day.

Three: I happened to work for a company that considered this a disease and had a whole department dedicated to helping people like me.... and I happened to work directly for someone who had quite a bit of personal experience with this disease - and thus recognized it for what it was in me, and pulled out all the stops to help me when I finally made the move to get well.

and Four: I had family that knew the meaning of "tough love". They walked away when there was nothing they could do. And when I finally made it back, they were the first people there to support me and welcome me back.

When I made that last walk out of the darkness of alcoholism into the sunlight of freedom at last, I was engaged to a man that my parents - and almost anyone else who knew him - did not like.  he was a hard-drinker (of course - what ELSE would I have gotten engaged to at that time) and had a horrible temper...... and I think that he had the same problem I did - but - to accept my disease, would have had to accept his own. I think this is what made him completely unsupportive and belligerent.

I was able to go away, courtesy of my health benefits, to what amounts to a country club - in order to learn how to be a person again. This place - Eagle Hill - so named for the Eagles that made their nests in the rocky outcroppings over a lake near there - was a fairly new place - and run by a priest - a recovering alcoholic himself. I made many friends there - but mostly, I got a start at being the person I am today there. I learned to love life again. I learned to appreciate every single day. I learned that I was worthy of more than I was giving myself. I learned that there is no such thing as a stupid alcoholic.......that the vast majority were good, kind, intelligent people who had a disease. I learned that if we stayed away from the chemical that made us "ill" and supported each other, we could continue to grow as people and live full and productive lives. The people that were there with me - some I remained in touch with for many years after - came from all walks of life - I met a programmer from a large magazine company, I met a manager from the local telephone company, I met a man who had opened his own church, I met a retired accountant. I also met some of the kids who were remanded there by local magistrates...... my room mate was one such.

I remembered how to play basketball. I learned to play pool. I learned to drink LOTS of coffee! And I learned to eat real food again.

When I left after the requisite 30 days - it was filled with the spirit of new adventure...... looking at the world through new eyes! Eyes that were using real glasses instead of the bottom of a Vodka bottle to see! I went back often at first - there was a meeting there for the "graduates" every Tuesday night. And every Tuesday night for almost a year, I went back......but, it was a long drive. And eventually, I stopped.

I had heard that this place had been bought by a "chain" of rehabilitation centers. And time passed.

On this vacation, I had my treasured camera. And the first day, I started off with the idea in mind that I would visit places that I had not seen in this state and snap pictures of natures beauty. So, I headed up towards a state park I knew of but did not remember and snapped a few pictures there. I got back on the highway and thought - "I wonder if I can still find Eagle Hill" - so I got back on the highway and got off the exit I thought I should take. Wrong exit. I realized that after finding a church that we used to go to "off prem". I drove for awhile - and passed over the highway and recognized a diner that I had eaten at on one of my trips up there - and got my bearings. I found the long road that I knew led to where I wanted to go. As I drove the road, there was little that I remembered...... it has been nearly 30 years since I had been there last. But, I kept driving.....and driving and almost passed

The Entrance

The Driveway

The ADMISSIONS house:

The House I Lived In

My Room:

Dining Hall and Common House

It is very hard for me to reconcile these desolate grounds with the pastoral setting of recovery I knew. It is harder still to see the place where I got my start on being a real person abandoned.

An era ended.

The Bird Show

Taking Off                 In Flight                  The Landing

Pretty Bird                 Peacock

A Beautiful Face         Marmoset               Tree Frog

Turtles                    Otters

Our Happy Group         The Kids               Monkey See,

                                                                  Monkey Dew!

 The Man

Yes it is...was...is......... was..... new month.... wow. Time went by so fast!

So, when I last left you, the kids were somewhat traumatized by various different events.  As children will, they got by these events.

About 4 weeks ago, the Man started with sore feet....swollen and painful. Now, I should mention that he is a Bionicle in disguise - there is more metal in one foot and the opposing leg than in a scrapyard from some car accidents many years back. Well..... with all the walking he did during the day at his job, it just got worse and worse. Now, around the same time, he decided that being clean also mean ditching the myriad prescription drugs....first the anxiety medication and then the antidepressant......... Now, I should mention that his mom was on all the same meds - and one day, she just stopped taking everything. And she has been just fine ever since. So... the first week, it was HELL...........everything annoyed him.......and I do mean EVERYTHING....he tends to be nit picky anyway and the withdrawl from both legal and illegal medications just exacerbated that.......... By week two, he progressed from picking nits to being an understudy for the Roman Emperor Nero!

The foot and its adjoining shin got progressively worse.... we talked about him potentially leaving the job and I tried very hard to get him to stay because it is not everyday that one can find a job that one truly loves - and he did LOVE this one! But, as with all his major decisions, he just made it ... no patience..... just up and left. However, he left on very good terms and he left with a pink slip coded for "lack of work" (and we figure with the houseing market so slow right now, chances are, he would have been out of a job for lack of work for real in a matter of a few months!) so he can claim unemployment as he looks for another job. This will supplement his retirement and so, financially, he is set.

He is home all day now. With me. Not a bad thing...it DOES get on my nerves some times.... but, most days, its pleasant. 

BUT!!!!!!! He is the most free from substances he has been since I met him! And I am just SOOOO awesomely proud of him! It is just SUCH the bomb that he is doing just EVERYTHING right this time! I feel very confident that this time he really got it! This has made me a very happy dragon, indeed!

Ok...now, on to the kids.....

The GOOD news - Number 1 Daughter's report card came yesterday....not quite honors but the VERY BEST SHE HAS EVER DONE!!! She got a B+ in both the final marking period of Algebra TWO (yes - TWO!!!!) and the final exam! And she ACED Civics!!!!!!!!! I was just completely TICKLED PINK!!!!!!!!

The bad news...... Number 1 son will be repeating his 7th grade year.... Too much too little too late.................... Number 1 Son is also spending some time with the Father Figure this summer.... One thing the Father Figure can do is discipline......and Number 1 Son desperately needs some discipline. With the hours that I keep at work, I simply do not have the time to stay on top of him and to meet every one he hangs out with..... The final straw was shortly after he came home from his dads one Sunday with some decorative knives  - I came downstairs one morning to find that my refrigerator door had knife holes in it that could only have been made with one of these knives - and Number 1 Son denied all knowledge............... I believe Number 1 Son needs more than discipline - and I am pursuing that - but his father will be able to give him not only the discipline but the time that I cannot.........

Work, you see, is going to get worse before it gets better............. much much worse.

I believe those are the highlights of the past month..............

Now - for today - for this week, actually, I am VACATIONING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday, I spent the day wandering around the state taking pictures:

And Sunday, we were at a friends watching these.......

On yesterdays trip, I went back to a place that I had not seen in about 30 years and was devastated by what I found......I shall share that with you all in another posting.

For now - I am off to meet a friend I have not seen in a long time for a buffet I have never tried before!  Tomorrow, we are getting together with our friend and her twins to go to Beardsley Zoo - there is a Bird show - Trained Macaws and Parrots et al! I shall have to post more pictures after that! Then Thursday, my girlfriend and I are headed to the beach and perhaps to the fireworks here in town. Friday, we are off to my aunts house. We shall have to see what Saturday and Sunday bring.........

Hasta La Vista alL!

Vacationing Dragon

Recently, my kids have had more than their fair share of having to deal with unpleasant realities.

Number 1 Daughter:

Number 1 Daughter is much like her mother - she falls madly and passionately in love with the wrong man. How in love she is directly opposite of how right the man is for her. If he is really wrong, she is very in love. If he is only a little wrong, she is only a little in love.....  And her views of the world and her relationship to it are just a bit slanted.... For instance - she thinks that since she has held a job longer than all of her friends, stayed in school longer than all her friends, done better than her friends when they WERE in school and is looking at colleges - that she should be praised for being better than all of her friends. I think, of course, that she needs new friends. Boyfriends included. The current beau is a high school drop out and very bipolar. Now, bipolar is not a bad thing - it can be helped. BUT, Number 1 daughter does not have the fortitude to deal with the incredible mood swings as she takes EVERYTHING to heart. So, when they are together, Number 1 daughter is in WONDERFUL spirits but when he tells her he no longer loves her or wishes to break up with her (despite the fact that they have been thru this SAME pattern at least 15 or so times in the year they have been together sort of), her ENTIRE WORLD FALLS APART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well....last week, he told her he did not love her - for the umpty-bazillionth time. Somehow, this one hurt more than any preceeding it. She could not stop crying for days...... one of these days, she stayed home from school. Another of her friends decided to skip school with her. Off they went to the boat landing to sit and play cards (Yes, mother allowed her to stay home.....because to fight her when she is this distraught causes more harm than good for BOTH OF US - and I DO have a job to go to!). As they got to the boat landing, they saw a small motor boat with a man slumped over the wheel going around and around in circles close to shore. Number 1 daughter, God bless her, had the presence of mind (thank you Sound School boat license training) to wade into the water, grab the boat and cut the engine to prevent it from eventually slamming into the dock and bursting into flames. Her friend called 911. Unfortunately, the man was already deceased and nothing could be done. However, this was a situation that I know I could not have handled as well. (I would have called 911 and called it a day - as I know nothing about boats.) I got a glimpse of the young woman she is growing into - a young woman who saw what needed to be done and did it. I must say that I am very proud of her!

Right now, she is a teenager. And all the lunacy that goes with that is hers yet to deal with. Its all that "grey" stuff that she doesn't quite understand yet - learning that the world is not simply black and white...... that even truth can have different flavors and still be truth. The emotional swings she is going through are normal..... the indecision and strong desire to "have fun" and stay a kid - these are all normal. And sometimes, I truly wonder what type of person she will be when she finally "grows up". This day gave me a glimpse of that person. And I am pleased.

Number 1 Son:

Number 1 son is still a little boy. A little boy who had his world rocked this week..........as did many local boys and girls. On Monday night, I went to the grocery store. Around 8, I got a call from Number 1 Son. I expected this since he was told to be home at 8 and check in with me. I did not expect the words that came out of his mouth. First thing he says is "Mom, whatever you do, DON'T go to Subway near the beach! DON'T!!!!!!!!!!!" So...of course, I ask why.

Apparently, a young man was riding his bicycle and was hit by a car. Some of his friends had the misfortune to witness this tragic accident. I am grateful that Number 1 son only saw the aftermath as that was traumatic enough. You can read the full story here . The police did not charge the driver - and based on everything I have read and heard from Number 1 son, the driver should indeed NOT be charged.

On Monday, Number 1 son was saying, "I'm ok. People live. People die. It happens." On Tuesday, Number 1 son was off with his friends who talked of nothing else. On Wednesday, Number 1 son went with a friend to a small memorial for the boy. And we went to a play (Carousel! It was awesome!) so he was alone in the house and had time to think...... and when he called to tell me he was home, I could hear the change in his voice. My little boy needed to be told that everything was ok (even though it was not) and he needed a hug - which he got as soon as I got home. He intends to go to the wake this afternoon. If that is what he truly wants to do, I will go with him. I am sure it will be an emotionally exhausting experience.

Life is so short......sometimes, much shorter than it should be.

This is why every day is special and important.

May God bless Ralph Russo and carry him on Angels wings to his new home.

A comment by Laoch reminded me of an amusing tale from my long-ago past.........

While we lived at home, my mother ruled all three of us with an iron fist! And while we were in her house, her rules were to be abided by! No matter how old we were! Turning 18 meant NOTHING to my mother.

So, one by one, we turned 18 - and learned about the fun of going to the local pubs. We had a 1:00am curfew. (with about a 15 minute grace period before my mother started calling the local hospitals and police stations - or so we thought!). Mom would wait up for us to enforce this curfew. Again.......so we thought. Of course, she waited in a prone position with the lights off and the tv on and her eyes closed........ but, we learned early on that fooling Mom was impossible..... well - most of the time.

Some nights - we came in at the proscribed 1am and ran to (or occasionally bounced from wall to wall till we fell in the door of) our rooms. Other nights, we'd sit in the chair next to her and babble at her about our evenings...and the people, places and things that had entertained us that evening. In the correct places with exactly the proper inflection in her voice, my mother would utter, "uh huh" or "oh really?", or "thats nice". Eventually, we would leave her alone and wander off to our bedrooms for a mildly inebriated sleep.

The mornings after these discussions took place were baffling to us as we would recount some of what we had thought we said the evening past and my mother would look at us like it was a brand new story!

Soon enough, we all grew to adulthood and moved on to our own abodes. Many years later, my mother was recounting some of this to her sister and I happened to overhear her say, "Yes, I could always tell when they had too much to drink because they would come in and sit down and talk nonstop to me!"

Mother dear, you have it entirely backwards..............we only talked when we COULD STILL SPEAK WITHOUT SLURRING OUR WORDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well - must tell ya'all - the weather here in Southern Connecticut has been just bee-you-tee-ful!!!!!!!!!!!! We've had some 75+ degree days and this dragon has been ANYWHERE and EVERYWHERE except at her computer!!!!!!!!!!!!

Took a vacation day Friday. The kids were off - but, of course, they are too old to want to do anything with just Mom.... So, they were off doing their thing (mostly skateboarding which is all the rage here) and I went to the grocery store and then to Lowes.... Then I came home and embarked on my many projects - painted the front door (it was in desperate need). Planted a Mediteranean Pink Heather bush and an azalea in the front yard. And a zinia and some pansies in the flower pot in the back yard. Started a tray of morning glories which will hopefully 'climb' my fence. Cleaned out all the crap in between the two fences - I really hate these wire roll-out fences....UGH! Enjoyed the daffodil and the tulip that are up - the tulip still has not gone into full bloom yet - it promises to be gorgeous when it does! Got all the cigarette butts and thatch out of the yard and I have admonished EVERYONE who has come here over the last few weeks that this house does NOT ALLOW smoking of ANYTHING within 100 yards of it!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Still have to put down some grass seed. And I have an entire tray of dusty miller to put in. 

We finally had the fan put into the bedroom last week - and it has been used every night since! the second floor of our house is not well insulated so in the winter we are very cold and in the summer we are very hot.... when it hits around 60 outside, by 3:30 in the afternoon - its almost unbearable up here. Well....it was - until the Man moved in last year and figured out that if we put a box fan in the bedroom window and pull the air OUT!!!!!!!!!! this will draw the cooler air from downstairs and keep it fairly comfortable up here! Smart man! While the electrician was here, he also balanced the fan in our office. And did NOT charge extra for that service! this electrician WILL be called back for future projects!!!!!!! We were very, very happy with him and his work and his reasonable prices!

I have also joined Weight Watcher. Up to today, I have been doing the online one - which, by the way, is absolutely wonderful! You can put in a recipe and it will calculate how many points each serving is! I LOVE IT! So, this week, I have decided that I will start meetings. Not sure which one yet - but, it appears that Thursday nights may work the best. Or Saturday mornings.

AH!!!!!!!!! and the BIG news!!!!!!!!!! Two weeks ago, Number 1 daughter pitched a huge huge fit at number one son. Since number one son has not been going to his fathers, the father has done a complete about-face. he is actually paying attention and spending time with number one daughter. he actually took her to an empty parking lot and watched her skateboard for over an hour!!!!!!!!! so, she finally pushed number one son to go with her and he did. He came home saying that he had a GOOD WEEKEND!!!!!!!!!!!!! That his dad had actually spent time with him and listened to him and done stuff with him!!!!!!!!!!!!! So, this weekend, dad needed some help and wanted number one son. this is not his weekend to get number one son and number one son, of course, balked. but went anyway. and came home later saturday night and, again, said he had a wonderful time!!!!!!!!!!! Mother Hen Dragon is VERY VERY PLEASED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The man has taken some steps up and some steps back. He has actually made the appointment with the counselor - he will see her tomorrow evening for the first time.... and he has been good for something over a week now. Of course - we can't have this much progress without a few steps back - he went out friday night and said he would be back at a reasonable hour. To me, 1:30AM the next day is NOT a reasonable hour..... And to add insult to injury, despite my very obvious ire - he went and repeated the performance on Saturday night. this is not a good thing - angering a dragon twice in two days is really taking ones life in ones hands!........... however, sunday, he took the iniitiative and brought this out for discussion and we have reached a compromise. And making up was, indeed, the very best part.

I shall be traveling around to visit you all this week and I am hoping that you are all happy and healthy here in blogland!

So....after much thought, i finally just went and DID it.......... Yep, new PC. I "built" several different configurations online, went back and forth between laptop and desktop and finally decided that I like my home configuration with the work laptop connected to the home desktop keyboard, mouse and monitor via KVM and being easily able to flip back and forth between the two. Something about blogging in bed just didn't have quite the same appear.

A good friend told me that they considered laptops rather 'disposable'. That was the key that set me straight. If I really have to have the ability to go to Starbucks and sip a latte as I email, I will pick up a cheap used laptop at a show. Desktops are much more stable. So, a desktop it was.

I thought that I wanted 4G of Ram. But the technician who was here earlier this week told me that Vista would happily use a thumb drive if you told it to.

So... yesterday, I bought a 600$ Dell from Walmart w/2G Ram and 160G HD. It also has a 17in Flat panel - which, after having a CRT for many years and not a lot of desk space - I was very happy about! Today, I purchased the easy transfer cable which will allow me to import my pictures and music collection. I also found that EVERYTHING is now USB as opposed to PS2 so I needed a new KVM switch. Got that. I also was able to pick up a SONY 2G thumb drive for 9$!

Thank you VERY much Uncle Sam!

Well....thank me........... I gave it to him........and he gave it back. and now i've given it away again......but, I have a new Vista pc.................. and I am a VERY happy dragon

maybe