So, first I must tell you all that the few days in New Jersey did me a world of good! More than I could have hoped for! I intend to go back sometime in August for a long weekend. Getting away from even the kids was a very good thing. I guess, sometimes, for ones own sanity, one just needs to be away. The three of us were SOOOOOO ready to get back together when I came home. We were texting each other for my ENTIRE journey home – about 4 hours all totaled. I left South Amboy on the 7:42 train – got in to Penn at 8:40 – and finally home at 12:30am.

The train from Jersey was very fast – which was good. Apparently, a lot of Manhattan people have summer homes on the Jersey shores and take the train home on Sunday night. By the time I got on, it was Standing Room Only – and got worse for the rest of the ride back to Penn – 2 got off, 25 got on…. HOWEVER, I can tell you that, beyond the shadow of any doubt, I would definitely go the train again! Never, ever drive to NJ……. matter of fact, I’m not too sure I want to drive anywhere…..  Leaving the driving to others……   around town is one thing – there is no quicker way to get to the store or doctor. But to travel? I just don’t think I would ever drive again…… And THAT sounds VERY strange coming from the person who used to joyride any and everywhere! But – there it is… train is DEFINITELY the way to go!

I have even done some research and found that there is a train out of Penn for DC – only a 3.5 hour ride at the SLOWEST of times. So, now, I am working on taking the kids to DC – perhaps next winter break. (Requires a little saving as the train alone is about 200$ apiece. Then add meals and hotel and a few days at the Smithsonian to that …… ).

I took some of the most amazing sunset pictures while in New Jersey. With absolutely nothing to do but watch the sun set for an hour and change – i took over 500 pictures!!!!!!!!!  I have posted some here. 

When I finally arrived home, the kids and I spent over an hour together in Teresa’s room just talking about our 3 days apart and then giggling for about a half hour over Teresa playing with Koosh Koosh. (He really is a character – he sounds like a cross between a turkey gobbling and a tribble!) Liddle Kiddle and Koosh have become playmates – yesterday, we found them in a Mountain Dew box together!

Ah – yes, and mom bought herself a treat before she left – an iPhone. And OMYGOSH I AM IN LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am having sooo much fun with this thing! I am a convert. I don’t think I would EVER go back to having just a phone………. next year, when I renew the kids phones, THEY are getting iPhones! These things are just AMAZING!!!!!!!!!! And all the apps for them! WOW! Just the running conversations alone are worth the price! No going back and forth between Inbox and Sent messages…. And the weather and checking my email and facebook and  and and …………..  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So…. rewind a bit………

In April or so – Number 1 daughter was doing EXCELLENT in school – so well, in fact (High Honors), that she was put on standby for the Bermuda trip. The school selects 24 juniors and seniors to go to BIOS (Bermuda Institute of Ocean Sciences). They spend a week there sailing and snorkeling……..  the school keeps them so busy they literally fall down at night…  Well, turns out that she got to go – and at 4am one cool May morning – I cried as my baby boarded a school bus bound for Kennedy Airport……  Knowing all the teachers and trusting them is, of course, a very GOOD thing! Parents were told by the teachers that went that “No news is good news” – and there would be very little if any communication from Bermuda as the telephone rates are VERY high. And they are! Our ‘wireless plans’ do NOT cover calls/texts FROM Bermuda… 1.99 a minute and .50 per text. So, I did get some texts from her while she was there but not many….  She came home a week later tan (despite the SPF70 that she slathered on!) and beautiful! (Yes, ok, I’m biased!). They had done cave diving and night diving and exploring coves and all sorts of things….. She told me of swimming in water so clear one could see the coral at the bottom many feet from the surface. She told me of swimming with the barracuda and sharks – and other fish so colorful they were amazing to behold…. She told me of the night diving – and meeting up with the ‘porcupines of the sea’ – little needlefish – who are night swimmers – but LOVE LIGHT……… and they are FAST! so………… one really has to be very alert because these little guys come from out of nowhere at a zillion miles an hour and fly right into your dive light… or you if you happen to be in the way – and they do HURT! She also told me of attempting to control the man-o-war population! Apparently, only the tentacles (all 30 feet of them) sting… so, out my brave child would walk and stand on a rock in the ocean waiting for these hapless critters to float by and snag them two at a time by their jelly like heads and drag them – with all 30 feet of tentacles up on the beach……  One might almost feel sorry for them……….  NOT!

And then the trouble started………. she chose to stop taking her medication… “I don’t want to get addicted” she said………. Of course, addiction means different things to different people. Some believe that if you have issues with addiction, that you can not take even so much as an aspirin………  this is the current theory my child is ascribing to…. with some support from peers and teachers. Of course, her grades suffered. She did graduate – and her last semester and finals were ok – but, she did not make honors…

Since she is bi-polar and not medicated, of course, she has thrown some ENORMOUS temper tantrums……. these did not help ANYONE! And watching my kid walk out the door threatening to go places where no pretty girl should be and knowing there is (since she is 18 in a month) absolutely nothing that i can do about it……….. is heartbreaking at best.

She has settled down somewhat over the course of the last two weeks and is currently in another most wonderful program. It is called ‘Transitions’. It is a summer session at the local community college – it is FREE. When she is done, she will have 9 college credits – three each in English, Web Design, and some communications/journalism thing  (she was at the beach taking pictures with a camcorder on Friday – class assignment.) She is doing VERY well with that. So far.

Sidebar – twice her father (and his new wife) have gotten together with me for functions for the kids – and BOTH times – HE has taken ME (and the kids) to dinner! I am completely amazed……….

Now – lets see – Number 1 son. Well, after his escapade in March with the depressants – I got him into counseling. We found that he has this periodic depression thing going on – I can’t remember the name of it at the moment. He does not need an antidepressant – as it is only occasional. What he needed was the coping skills. He began counseling – and has learned that. At the moment, he is doing fairly well. It was a tough few weeks for him in June. If you remember, he repeated 7th grade. And in June, all the kids he had gone all the way thru school from pre-k thru 7th graduated. My brave boy went to their graduation. He felt a loyalty to his ex-classmates…… it bothered him terribly. And yet, with a little but of love - (mom hugs), he did ok. He talked about it a bit to me – Quite a bit… which is good.

We have found with him that emotions are the biggest trigger of his asthma – no surprise for me. (I always had my worst asthma attacks at Halloween and Christmas – two of the most exciting times for kids!).

My son has turned into my rock – and I his. We have grown very close – part of that was the counseling – but, most of it was just circumstances….   He has been my best companion lately. I have taken him a few places with me (like New York a few times) just because he enjoys the the things I do…. the photography and walking and exploring.  And because we can talk – and do – a lot. I think he is rather mature for his age…. and that is pretty amazing considering that generally speaking, girls mature faster than boys… I think (yes, I am biased) that he is more mature than most girls his age……..  He is the one who worked out the date mentioned in the prior post with me. And when I was at my most frazzled  - he came to me out of the blue – and said, ‘Mom, now and again – everyone needs a hug – and right now – you need one bad!” and proceeded to give me the very biggest hug!!!!!!!!! And he was right……. but, that he, a 14 year old boy – actually NOTICED – thats pretty amazing…

So… the other thing that is making me frazzled……………. work.

I have been averaging 12-14 hour days. And I’ve been averaging this 18+ days straight as we have been working many weekends this year on a project which will, thankfully, complete in August. When I moved over to the new company, their arrangement of functionality is very different from what my prior company had been. And I had been with the prior company for 32 years – a very long time…. So, you know how that ‘teach an old dog new tricks’ thing goes………..  Well, I’m not quite sure how it happened, but I kind of became the ‘answer grape’ – and when one is an ‘answer grape’ and knows absolutely nothing…………… um, its a bit stressful. And we had some leadership but…  more project by project rather than one person disseminating the projects based on skills and ability and availability. It sort of fell to me to try to keep things together. And I am NOT ‘lead’ material – I am a technician. Its what I like and what I do….  and where I wish to grow. But, circumstances being what they were, well, – ya do what ya gotta do………..  So, I did. Which ended up frazzling me even more. Matter of fact, I came very very close to walking out and not coming back. Actually – I did leave early. (but went back the next day.) Like I said, I am NOT ‘leadership’ material… and at this point in my life, I have no desire to learn! All that ‘political’ crap…………. UGH! So, I had to make some changes there.  And they made a change too – by finally putting a team lead in place. A move for which I am VERY VERY grateful.  It is a struggle to go from 14 hour days down to 8 or 10, but I am determined……….

I have spent time with my parents over the last three weeks – particularly with mom – always a good thing. Mom, in fact, was the biggest voice of reason. I have given in to the medication thing and accepted that maybe, for awhile, its not a bad thing… I had a bout with eczema – something that is often triggered by stress. It covered most of me except for my face. If that was not a clear indication that I needed help – nothing ever would be. Then getting away – that was the best.

Of course, just as I was leaving – SOMEONE made a last ditch effort to keep me home – because, of course, its all about him….  he still does nothing to help himself. Insists that everything is physical – but does nothing about that. And will not seek emotional help. A friend of his visited with my help and tried to help him get his act together……… still nothing. And yet, just a few short weeks ago, he was able to work with the local government and straighten out a car SNAFU…. so, he IS capable. And CHOOSING not to……

This is the worst relationship I have ever been in. Even the x was capable of helping out in some ways – very creative. Lazy – but creative – and could – and would – do anything with his hands. When he was in the mood. This one does nothing…….. Absolutely nothing… oops… wait. He will take the trash around front once a week………… and even that is difficult.  Everything else I could deal with….. work, the kids, the house……….  I am a fairly strong person and I’ve managed to weather some pretty hefty storms. But, this is just too much……….  

I am a happy person generally. I love life. I enjoy each day. Yep there are bad days – even ones that SUCK. And ones kids will definitely try ones patience – that IS, of course, their JOB!  LOL… I will get through this. And I will come out better for it. Stronger. and wiser… definitely wiser…

To all who have supported me through the last few years – a big thank you!

Again!

HUGS

Dragon