I have chosen the category 'Memories' for this post as I am in the process of making them.

 

I hit the wall a few weeks ago... just completely hit the wall. Face press... splat.

More pressure... more stress than I could handle. I could no longer laugh at myself - at my mistakes - at anything.

I have a very dear friend in New Jerseywhom I have not been able to see in years. She is recovering from a few things - not the least of which was agoraphobia brought on by significant physical issues. She has struggled alone keeping her chin up and doing the best she can - a courageous lady to say the least. Between this and my own issues, and the distance between us, we communicate but....... thats it.

 

When I hit that wall, she had sent me a loving email to which i responded with some of what had been going on. She urged me to get away for a bit...  offering her home as that getaway. With my therapists urging, I decided to go - shedding all the weights which had rested on my shoulders for so long.

I ensured my kids safety and the cats, let my parents know where I would be - packed Thursday and left.

 

Just before I left, I informed the man about what i was doing. His response, "I know you have some issues but this is the worst time in my life for you to leave." Proving once again that life, of course, is all about him. WE are only talkin 3 days here.... not a lifetime. Although, leaving for a lifetime is under serious consideration...... OH - I suppose I sound a bit cruel..... well - let me tell you that he was fully capable just 2 weeks ago of wading thru and untangling a motor vehicles snafu. Anyone who has ever had the delightful experience of dealing with CT DMV will understand that one must have their wits about them and patience of a saint and a myriad of other qualities in order to successfully navigate this group.... And he did. Yet this same person cannot (will not) make a doctors appointment, will not make a psychiatrist/psychologist/msw appt.....  He is CHOOSING to do nothing to help himself. I cannot (and will not) help someone who refuses toi help themselves. But, I digress.....

 

So, I packed my camera and peripherals, some clothes and hopped the metro north into GCT, strolled to Penn Sta and picked up the South Amboy train and my friend picked me up at the station. 

 

That first night, she made pasta and chicken parm and had bought an ice cream cake which we shared with tea and conversation till 2am.. I sank into a bed for the first time in months and was asleep in seconds...  Mostly we hung around the next day till mid-afternoon. Then she drove us to the Jersey shore where we sat at Donovans munching sweet potato fries and sipping icey cold water still talking... watching the clouds paint pictures in the sky and the surf occasionally pommel the sand -  I snapped pictures like a wild woman - this place looks much like - well, the tropics - with palm trees - yes - REAL palm trees! Then she took me to another spot where I could see the Verrenzano-Narrows bridge to my left - and we stood there the two of us watching the sun set....  I snapped over 500 pictures of just that one sunset.... Many I cannot WAIT to unload and post! We stood for almost an hour watching, what to me, was the most beautiful sunset I have seen.... because that is ALL I did.... and it was ALL I thought about... just that sunset.

 

We grocery shopped at 11:30, made grilled cheese sandwiches and again went to bed at 2.... I woke at 7... texted the kids - and went RIGHT BACK TO BED and slept till 10:30!!!!!

 

Today, we are making a turkey with stuffing and mashed potatos and spinach. We have been working on that most of the day - listening to tunes, talking, and more or less doing our own thing.... I on my computer, she on hers.

We have the windows all open here with the breeze chasing the sun through the apartment.

I have fallen in love with her cats - Martini Lee and Autum Marie - and they with me - I shall post their pictures upon my return.

 

Tonite, we shall have our Thanksgiving dinner in front of her lit Christmas tree and we shall watch the New York fireworks on the TV...

 

For just these three days, I have no worries, no pressure, no stress.... no kids. no man. no house. no bills. no work.

I am infinitely thankful that I have a wonderful friend such as this who opened her home to me who has done all in her power to ensure that i am cared for.... sheltered. safe....

 

Tomorrow night, I will return to the insanity.... but, that is tomorrow night.

Tonite we celebrate!

 

Vacationing

Dragon

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And for my friend Bob - this:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

At this time of year, I often think of my grandmother who passed from this life 25 or so years ago.. Its funny, I always thought of her as a stern woman - someone I would never want to disappoint. I thought of her as a very strong person too. Yet - she never yelled at any of us. Rarely did we do anything that required yelling in her presence. I don't know why that is - but it is.

We called my grandmother "grammie".

Grammie  was a baker extraordinaire! She could make a lemon merengue pie that would knock your socks off. And her fig squares are the bomb! There is NOTHING that woman couldn't do - and she did it from scratch! There was NEVER a boxed cake mix in her house! Grammie's house was never messy - never anything out of place. Even when we came to visit overnight!

Her hair was gray from the first of my memories. And she was a quiet person - as opposed to her sister, Helen who was rather a whirlwind. (at 60, Helen bought a new car - and drove (at a time when women still didn't drive very much) from East Providence, RI to West Haven, CT a few times a year. The car? A 1969 Pontiac Le Mans.....A car I would LOVE to own now! ). She also often seemed distant and decorous. Her "Bostonian" roots, I think.

But no one snuggled like grammie! Just before any holiday, one of us would have the privilege of staying overnight. Grammie and Grampie had a color TV! A VERY big deal then! We would sit on the divan (actually, it was a convertible couch - but Grammie called it a divan so a divan it is!). Grammie sat on the left. Aunt Edna sat on the right and the lucky child would get the middle. We always watched the King Family Holiday Specials! At a commercial break, Grammie would take us into the kitchen to pick out dessert. She always had store bought cookies in the cupboard. But - given the option of store bought or something she made - her homemade cookies, cakes and pies won EVERY time. My personal favorite was her Angel Food cake. Then we would get back right in time for the end of the commercial. Sometime after dessert was finished and it was bedtime.....we would inch our way over very slowly....until we were eventually tucked right up against Grammie. She'd put her arm around us and there we'd stay till it was time for bed.

When I was around 16 or so, my grandparents health had severely deteriorated. Their request was to be kept at home as long as possible. My aunt Edna, who lived with them, worked. Neither my mother or my other aunt did. Thus, my mother, who was closest, came in and took care of them Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Her sister came down Tuesdays and Thursdays. Edna had the evenings and weekends. My dad and my uncle Joe helped out as much as they could. We kids helped out as much as we could - we went to visit EVERY Sunday. We came in the morning. My cousins came in the afternoon. We did chores around their house to help out our parents.

In my senior year in high school, I went through the class for Nurses Aid - this was before you had to be certified.... After that class, I helped out more because I now had the knowledge. When one grandparent was in the hospital, I stayed with the other while my aunts and mom visited.

One time in particular sticks out in my memory - Grampie had been in the hospital. I stayed with Grammie while mom, dad and Edna went to visit Grampie. Grammie was determined that she was NOT going to greet Grampie from bed when he came home - she was going to WALK out to meet him! So, we practiced. Every night for a half an hour she would walk with my help. On the night he came home, he was brought in the front door in a wheelchair. She came out of the bedroom and walked through the dining room to the living room to greet him. There were tears in that mans eyes as he watched his wife walk to him. They were never openly affectionate towards each other but - that night, their love for each other was as plain as day.   

Thanksgiving was always amusing. My grammie was in the only bedroom on the first floor. The kitchen was right next door. So she heard EVERYTHING! My mom, aunt Edna and I would be in the kitchen doing the prep work on Wednesday and Grammie was issueing orders on how to do it from her bedroom - and LORD HELP YOU if you didn't do it EXACTLY the way she specified because even from her bedroom - SHE KNEW!!!!!!!

Grampie passed away first. He had just gotten his 80th birthday card from the White House. Oh how they LOVED getting a birthday card from Mr. Regan! He passed away mere weeks after he got his. We didn't think Grammie would hold out much longer - but she did stay with us another two years. I believe she stayed long enough to know that I would be ok.

In the last few years of her life, her favorite TV show was The Muppets! She LOVED Miss Piggy! For Christmas, my dad, who was never an openly affectionate fellow, bought Grammie a poster of Miss Piggy. We were all in the living room watching her open it. She was in her wheelchair in her best pink bathrobe for the occasion of Christmas. The expression on her face as she beheld that poster of Miss Piggy - the grin of pure joy! That look is how I remember her to this day. She looked like a happy little elf - probably the happiest expression I ever saw on her face. And my dad was the one who put it there!  

Miss you Gram!